Ugly Lovely Scars

I think every person has a part of their physical appearance that they are self conscious about.  For me, it is my back.  You see, I have had 10 surgeries in the same area on my back.  And to remind me of those surgeries is a long ugly scar.  My first surgery was when I was 18 months old, so I’ve essentially lived with the scar my entire life.  I have other scars as well - from other surgeries. 

Can I tell you something?

I hate my scars.  I am very self-conscious of them.  I used to keep my hair really long so that I could hide my neck and the top of the scar. I eventually got brave enough to cut it shorter and have kept it that way.  But I still try to hide it.  Everything I wear has gone through my thought process of, “will this hide my scars?”

But I don’t hate my scars only because they make me self-conscious.  I hate them because of what they represent.  They represent pain - a lot of pain.  They represent loss.  They represent close calls.  They represent some very scary times.  They represent lots of tears.

But can I tell you something else?

I also love my scars.  I love them because of what they represent.  They represent healing.  They represent answered prayer.  They represent miracles.  They represent God’s provision.  They represent God’s strength.

My scars do not define me, but they are a part of me, and what they represent makes up a big part of who I am today.

I dare say many, if not all, of you reading this have a few scars of your own.   Yours may not be actual physical scars like mine (although they might be!), but rather scars that we can’t see - emotional scars (I have those too).

Emotional scars that represent hurt, betrayal, grief, loss, anxiety, depression.  These scars may be fresh, or perhaps you have been wearing them for much of your life. Not a day goes by that you don’t think about those scars, not one day where they don’t affect your life.

You, too, may hate what those scars represent. You may hate how they affect your life. You may even be self-conscious of them.  You may do all you can to hide them from others.

But those emotional scars, like my physical ones, don’t define you.  They are a part of you, and help make up who you are today.  But they are not the whole you.

Think about the strongest person you know (and I’m not talking about someone who can bench press an insane amount here).  Think about the strongest person you know.  Why are they that way?  Where did they get that strength?  Do you think they got that way because everything in their life has gone their way, that they have never encountered a difficult situation?

Chances are, they have been through some pretty rough circumstances.  But it is that rough stuff that has made them strong (notice I didn’t say “perfect”).  These strong people will tell you that it wasn't easy going through those hard trials.  They will tell you that, when they were going through it, they would have loved to have it end, or to not actually go through it all.

But for those who have their faith in the Lord, they will probably tell you that it is because of those trials, that their faith was strengthened.  That it was in those situations that God proved Himself so faithful to them, in ways that they couldn't have imagined otherwise.

I know that is true for me.  My scars have shown me that when I can’t, God can.  They have shown me that when all seems lost, God is there.  They have shown me that what God has promised, He will do.  They have even shown me that, even when things don’t end up my way, that God is still there for me.

So, yes.  I hate my scars.  I don’t know that I will ever not be self-conscious of them.  But I love them.  Because it is through the situations that gave me the scars where I have seen some absolutely amazing things.  Where my faith, even though shaken at times, has in the end grown stronger, because I have seen God work in ways that only He can.  I have seen amazing answers to prayer.  And when a situation turned out in a way that I never wanted, He has given me that incredible “peace that passes all understanding” that is getting me through each day. 

I will always have my scars.  But when I look at them as more of a story, the story of me and God’s plan for me, then it makes them less ugly and a bit more lovely.

I don’t know all the scars that you may be wearing today.  I don’t know what all you have been through.  And you may be in a place where you only hate your scars, you hate all that they represent, and you just want to hide them.  

But I encourage you today - look back over those situations that brought those scars.  Look for the ways that God was working.  Look for when he was giving you the strength to get through, that He was providing exactly what you needed right at the moments that you needed them.  

And maybe, someday, you will see that you really do have ugly lovely scars too.