A Friend in Need

It’s happened to all of us. 

We get word either from a phone call, on social media, through the prayer chain at church, or elsewhere that a dear friend is going through a hard time.  It could be the loss of a loved one, a financial strain, a broken marriage, a health struggle, or an emotional or spiritual battle.  This trial may have come out of seemingly nowhere and knocked them off their feet, leaving them dazed and confused.  Your heart immediately hurts for them - and you want to help.

You know that the Bible tells us in Galatians 6:2 to “bear one another’s burdens,” and you want to follow that command.  So you pick up your phone and either make a quick call or send a short text saying, “I am so sorry to hear about ..(inset trial here)...  Please know that I am praying for you.  Please, let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you.  I’m serious on that!”  And then you go about your day.

Your intentions were good, but perhaps this is not a very practical way to help a friend in need.

May I present to you a better way to approach helping out that friend in their trial?  As someone who has gone through quite a few trials - especially in the last 6 years,  I have done a lot of thinking on the practical ways we can reach out to help those who are going through a difficult time.    

1. Pray With Them.

How many times have you told someone, “I’ll pray for you!” or commented on a post on social media that you were praying.  When you said that you truly intended to pray.  But, being the forgetful human that you are, you sometimes get busy with life and forget to pray.  It happens to all of us.  One way to correct this is to stop and pray right then.  If you see a post on social media, take a minute to pray as soon as you see the post, and then comment that you just prayed for them.  Maybe after making that first initial prayer, you keep a running list on your phone of things to pray for or write it down on a notepad in a visible spot in your home or office.

If it is someone you know personally, maybe head over to messenger or text and write out a prayer for them there.  Did you know you can leave voice memos on FB Messenger?  You can record a prayer right then for them to listen to!  I have had this done to me several times and let me tell you, it is SO encouraging! And the fact that you can go back and listen to it multiple times is wonderful.  Technology can be used for so much good!

If the prayer request is shared with you in person or over the phone, maybe instead of just saying to them, “Sure, I will pray for that!” Say to them, “How about I pray with you right now about that” and pray right there.  Not only does this guarantee that you will have prayed about that request at least once, it will also increase your chances of remembering to pray about it again.

2. Be Present.

When talking about trials, we often turn to the example of Job in the Bible.  And while we like to use his friends as good examples of things to not say to someone who is struggling, could I point out something that has always stood out to me as something they did right?  

Look in Job 2:11-13.  As soon as his three friends heard all that had happened to Job, they left their homes and came to be with him with the sole purpose of showing him sympathy and comfort.  Now, later on they ended up saying some pretty dumb things, but I always appreciated how they dropped everything right away to be there for him.  And when they got there and saw just how grieved and broken Job was, they became just as grieved and broken.  They mourned with him.  They didn’t even say anything for a whole week.  They simply were there!  

Often, when someone is going through a trial, especially at the beginning, they don’t need long conversations about why this is happening.  They don’t need advice on how to fix the issue.  They don’t need opinions on what could have caused it, what will make it better, or what someone else who was in a similar situation did.  No, what they need is someone to just be there with them, sitting with them, crying with them, being present with them so they don’t feel alone.

And know that, when the time is right, when the friend is ready, they will talk about it.  But it shouldn’t be forced.  So go, be with them, cry with them, hug them, grieve with them.  Be present with them.

3. Be Specific About Your Help. 

Okay, so your friend is in a hard time, and you want to do something practical to help them.  Simply saying, “Let me know if you need anything” doesn’t really cut it because that person may not even know exactly what they need.  Probably 9 times out of 10, that person is not going to reach out and tell you that they need something.  Instead, call them up and offer specific things that you can do for them. 

For example:

“Hey!  I am going to the store for some milk and eggs.  Can I pick up a gallon of milk or a dozen eggs for you?  Do you need any bread as well?”

or

“Today is my laundry day so if you gather your laundry together I will be by in about ten minutes to pick it up so I can do yours along with mine.”

or

“Hi!  I’ve got from 2-4 this afternoon free and I thought I would come clean your bathroom and mop your floors for you! Are you fine with that?”

or

“So I just make a chicken pot pie for supper and had enough for an extra one.  Can I drop it off at your house for supper? You can put it in the freezer if you don’t want to have it tonight.”

These are just a few examples of what you can specifically suggest to someone on how you can help them.  Get creative with what else you can suggest!  Of course, they can always turn you down, but you at least open the door to offering to help.  They may not have realized they needed milk until you suggested it!  And you never know how much of a relief it might be for them to not have to actually reach out and ask for the help!  It is hard for all of us to call someone up and ask if they can help clean our bathroom!

4. Meet Wants, Not Just Needs.

This one can be true for everyone, but especially for those in a “long-term” trial.  Perhaps you know someone going through cancer treatments, or someone with a disability, or the exhausted mother of a special needs child.  Find out something that they enjoy or a treat they love but rarely have the time to do.  Give a gift certificate for a spa or hair cut, or favorite restaurant.  Send them a basket of their favourite fruit or candy.  Have flowers randomly delivered to their house.  

While it is such a blessing to have your needs met, in the midst of a hard time it always seems extra special to have something that you didn’t need but just wanted provided for you.  It is often those little extras that are sweet reminders of God’s love and care for even the small things.

We all know people who are going through a difficult time because we all go through difficult times.  It is easy to feel lost on how to help someone and be an encouragement to them.  But by breaking it down into these practical tips, perhaps we can make it a little easier to be there for one another in our times of need.