Hidden in My Heart

A couple years ago, I spent 8 days in the hospital to have (yet again) surgery on my back.  As usual, I was placed in a room with one other roommate during my stay there.  That type of situation can often lead to interesting times, but this particular instance turned into life lessons I will remember for the rest of my life.  Let me explain.

She came into the room around 10 o’clock one evening.  For anonymity’s sake we will call her “Vivian.” She came to the hospital by ambulance.  She had been rushed to there after her daughter witnessed her having a small stroke.  They wanted to keep her for a few days to run some tests and keep an eye on her, as this was her 2nd mini-stroke in a week’s time.

Vivian is a spunky 98-year-old woman who lived at home with her youngest daughter (who, by the way, was 71-years-old her self).  Vivian was used to being mostly independent for her self-care, but due to the strokes her left side was now paralyzed and she couldn’t see out of her left eye.  Yet, still, her spunky spirit showed up as she would tell jokes to the nurses and make everyone laugh.  She had beautiful skin - very few wrinkles to which she swore was due to the Ponds Cold Cream that she had used everyday for years (which reminds me - I should go get myself some of that cream! :-)).

Her mind was sharp - she remembered everyone’s name. We never actually told her my name, so each morning she would call to me through the curtain dividing our beds by saying, “Good morning Next Door!” It made me smile each morning, as I yelled back, “Good morning, Vivian!” (I yelled because her hearing aids weren’t in so she couldn’t hear me otherwise.) 

Vivian had a constant flow of visitors - her children and friends from her church.  I could tell she was the woman in charge because she would give instructions as to what hymns she wanted sung that Sunday at church, as well as directing things she wanted done at at home. 

Everyone instantly fell in love with Vivian, myself included.  You could tell, she was a strong woman.  But she struggled, too.

Nights were the hardest.  When all the visitors were gone and it was quiet, she would begin to cry.  What broke my heart the most was she would cry out for her Momma - a woman that had been gone for many years.  She would just sob and say, “Oh Momma.  This is awful.  It hurts, Momma.  Please come and help me!” 

She would cry and say that over and over for 30 minutes to an hour until she fell asleep.  I would lie in my bed, listening with my heart breaking for her.  I wanted to go over and hug her, to smooth her hair on her forehead and tell her it was going to be okay.  But I can’t walk so I couldn’t do that. Instead I just laid in my bed and prayed for her.

On one particularly rough night, when her pain must have been extra intense, her cries were louder than normal.  I was in the middle of praying for her when all of a sudden she stopped crying and started saying out loud:

“In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.  Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:2-6)

And then she said, “Lord - I know you are the way.  I believe.  I’m ready to go see you, Lord.  Please take me home now!  I believe.”  She then quieted down and fell asleep.

I just sat there, staring into the dark room in silence.  A small part of me honestly thought that she was going to Heaven that night, so I continued to pray for her.   

The Lord did not take her home that night, although he next couple of days were rough for her.   Not long after, I was discharged and went home. 

But I have not been able to get that night out of my head. 

Here was this sweet old lady - who had lived a long life.  And even at her age, she was not free from trials and struggles.  But what did she do in the midst of those struggles?  She turned to God and His Word for comfort.  She was in the midst of a very hard and trying time - one where she didn’t know if it would ever end or what the outcome would be.  And yet she knew where to find peace and strength.

Here daughter had offered to bring her Bible to her, but because of the stroke making her blind in the left eye and the immobility of her left side, she couldn’t read it.  So she had to rely on her memory.  And she quoted that passage perfectly - word for word.

Vivian taught me two important lessons that night. 

First - she reminded me that even in the hardest and darkest night, we can call out to the Father.  We can tell Him how we are feeling, how we are hurting, how we are scared.  And He will bring us comfort and peace - even enough that we can close our eyes and sleep. 

And secondly, she taught me how important it is to have God’s Word memorized.  These days, I think we take for granted how easily we can access our Bibles.  We have multiple copies in our homes.  We have apps on our phones.  We can play it as an audiobook and listen to it while we are going about our day.  We basically can get access to it almost anywhere, anytime we want. 

But that may not always be the case. One day, we may find ourselves in a situation where we won’t be able to have that easy access.  What then?  Will we have enough in our “memory well” to draw from when we need it most?

The day I left, I told Vivian that I would be praying for her.  I do not know what has become of her.   But I do know that I will always be grateful for her.  She will never know the incredible testimony she was to me, or the lessons she taught me.  While she was simply reaching out to God in her time of need, God was using her weakness (and His strength) to speak to my heart. 

And now I want to ask you.  Do you know where to go when you are in the midst of your struggle - where you can find comfort and peace enough to go to sleep?  And do you have God’s Word “hidden in your heart,” so that you can draw from that well at any time, anyplace? 

I know that “well” is something I’m going to be working on filling even more, so it will be ready and full when I need it most.