Can We Just Be Honest?

It makes you feel vulnerable and exposed.  It can make you feel like you are failing.  It goes against what much of our society tends to do.  What in the world is this "it?"  What has the power to make us feel this way? Simply this: admitting that we are struggling with something - being completely open and honest with how we are feeling.

Often, we are afraid to admit that things in our life aren’t "picture perfect” -  that our marriage may be struggling or our child is rebelling.  That we are really tight on finances or have suffered a great loss.  That we have a health issue or are very angry about something.  That we feel alone or are battling depression.

In our social media world, it is very easy to only post or tweet about the great stuff - the good grades the kids are getting, the fun trips taken, the success of the business/ministry.  You know, the happy stuff.  But when it comes to the hard things, we tend to bottle it up and carry our burdens alone.  But sometimes, this may be the wrong choice.

I've never been a complainer.  I didn't feel like I needed to "burden" my family and friends with my little troubles.  Part of it was the fact that I knew there were people in the world who had much worse pain and health issues than I did.  So who am I to complain about a silly old headache?

I think that is a big part of the reason that we don't admit when we are having a hard time.  The reason why we answer, "Great!" or "Doing well!" when asked "How are you doing?" - even if we aren't even close to being great or well.  We don’t want to be a burden others.  Or perhaps it is because we think that others have it worse, or that no one will truly care about us and our problems.   

I do understand that not every time we are asked "How are you?" the person is expecting us to just spill the beans and start crying and tell them all our troubles.  But shouldn't we be a bit more honest with each other?  Wouldn't it be better to answer, "I'm having rough day, to be honest."  Especially if it's the truth?

A few years ago, I decided to be more open with how I am really doing. I began to admit that things were hard and I needed prayer, that things aren't all peachy keen.  I began to admit that I when I was having a rough times physically.  And do you know what I discovered because of that decision?

People care.  People understand.  And I am not alone in my struggles.

That's right.  My being honest has opened the floodgates of notes and messages of people saying things like, "I had no idea things were so rough! Now I know how to better pray for you." Or, "I didn't know you had that issue/problem.  Let me share a similar situation I went through and what I learned from it."   I have had so many people thank me for being honest because they, too, were struggling and seeing me walk through my journey was helping them in theirs.

The simple act of sharing what I or my family is experiencing or have experienced has revealed that they are not isolated circumstances.  Though it may not be exactly the same, there are other people who have gone through similar things.  And what did I find through others sharing their stories?

Encouragement.  Healing.  Faith restored that I can and will get through this.

Their stories have helped me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  That there is purpose for all of this.  That we can come out on the other end and say, "God loves me and God is good."  

I also found that as soon as I opened up about some of the struggles I was going through, it felt as if a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.  It's not that my circumstances changed.  Everything that was "wrong" was still there.  I felt lighter because I was no longer trying to carry my burden alone.  Besides it only being me crying out to God, I now had people who knew what I was going through, and were now praying along with me.  They were checking in on me more often to see how I was doing.

In fact, this is a biblical concept.  When Christ left this earth, He left us the Holy Spirit.  But He also established the church.  A part of the purpose of the church is to be there for each other until Christ returns to take us home with Him, to encourage each other to keep the commandments of the Lord, to remain steadfast through trials (James 1) and to "bear one another's burdens” (Galatians 6).

But how can we bear each other's burdens if we don't know what they are?

I believe that God is omniscient - that He knows all things.  He knows what our burdens are.  So if I were to pray, "Lord, please help ‘so-and-so’ and their family in whatever they may be dealing with today," God would hear that and know exactly what they were dealing with, even if I don't.

But I also believe it helps us to better pray when we can be more specific.  "Lord, please be with ‘so-and-so’ and their appointment they have today.  Give the doctors wisdom to know what is the problem and a solid plan to deal with it.  Give ‘so-and-so’ a peace and calmness to know that You are with them and that You already know the cause and You already have a plan." 

Do you see the difference?  Both are prayers.  Both are heard by God.  Both will be answered by Him.  But the second prayer is so much more focused and specific. This doesn't "help" God, but it helps me to have a deeper prayer life.  And to be honest, it helps me to be more likely to remember the request more often. 

An added benefit for when you do reveal your heart in this way, is that you might  be surprised at how sharing your story can help someone else who is currently struggling with the same thing, walking a similar path and has felt all alone - just like you.  Opening yourself up and becoming vulnerable may be just the encouragement they need to keep on keeping on, knowing they are not alone, that there are others who understand what they are feeling, and that they can reach out to you.  It can turn into an incredible opportunity to encourage and be a blessing to someone else.  

So maybe, just maybe, if we were a little more honest with each other, we could all be walking around, feeling lighter at heart and better able to deal with our trials - all because we have our army of fellow believers behind us, bringing our requests to our Heavenly Father, just as Christ intended for the church.  

But it all has to start - with us being honest.

*Note: I do want to put a side note here that there is a fine line between being honest with our struggles and just plain complaining.  If we are being open and honest for the purpose of people feeling sorry for us, to gain attention, or to just vent our anger or frustration, then perhaps it should not be done.  But, if our intention is to ask for prayer, to seek help from our "army" of Christian brothers and sisters, then the intentions are pure and we should be sharing them with each other - whether that is all of your Facebook land, or your church, or just a few trusted friends (with whomever you are comfortable).